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Riding the Marx Rails, Streamlined Style
by Richard Getty
Newswire: Girard and Oak Park Railroad CEO, Rich Getty, today
offered this explanation to the assembled stockholders and protesters
following the company's second annual meeting: "All of our
reports and financial statements are reviewed in accordance with
commonly accepted accounting principals." Apparently considering
this to be an inflamatory remark in today's business climate,
the crowd shouted down Getty's subsequent remarks, causing him
to eventually give up and retreat to the safety of the company
car in a train leaving from Oak Park station.
The short run to Girard allowed Getty to retrieve his composure,
so he was able to continue from his table at Queen's Diner: "Of
course last year's report showed a 100% increase in traffic over
the previous year - it was our first year of operation! How can
we be expected to beat an increase of 100% every year!? What are
those people on The Street thinking? I'm not going to apologize
for the company's stock price, heck, I'll buy up every share I
can find at these prices! Here's insider information for everybody
- this railroad will be operating next year, and we will have
additional online shippers!"
Getty was referring to the fact that the seasonal shutdown is
expected to happen any day now, with the entire layout disassembled,
turned on its side, and stored against the garage wall. His optimism
regarding the future was generated by the results of operations
described in the Annual Report.
The Motive Power and Equipment department reported substantial
increases in cars and engines available for service, some of which
received major overhauls to save them from the scrap heap. Use
of inexpensive equipment is expected to lead to profitability
The Maintenace of Way department reported that increased use of
overtime by track crews has not resulted in any additional miles
of track, but the existing track has become more perfectly aligned,
thereby decreasing derailments, lost time accidents, and insurance
claims by passengers and shippers. Decreased insurance claims
and legal fees might lead to profitability in the future.
Chief Financial Officer reports that the company has still managed
to avoid audit by any reputable authority, and this has held down
the potential for costly litigation or disruption of operations.
A closely held subsidiary company, RMG Associates, was formed
during the year to develop real estate held by the company according
to community needs, and to increase traffic on the road. Unfortunately,
their highly successful efforts at bringing business and residential
investment to the communities served by the railroad have resulted
in several investigations by State agencies regulating growth
and environmental laws. The explosion of development has also
caught the attention of private special interest groups, leading
to protests such as the one at today's annual meeting. The firm
has resolutely denied all allegations by outside groups of any
improper involvement of criminal elements or off-shore investment
cartels. CFO, Rich Getty, stated "I WISH we could get outside
investment here! And we do NOT plan on dumping our debt on RMG
associates immediately after their IPO! If you have any more questions,
you'll have to speak to my lawyer. He should be back from the
Caymans in the Spring."
Director of Public Affairs, Rich Getty, was quick to add "Our
future looks pretty bright. The company has purchased a second-hand
crane to be installed over the back track at Oak Park, converting
it into an industrial spur. The commuter train will then tie up
for the night in Girard. We expect the I&E bargaining with
the union over this change to be concluded before the resumption
of operations next Spring, hopefully. Other improvements such
as grade crossing signals and streets should help to smooth relations
with the communities served by the railroad."
GOP stock closed unchanged today due to the lack of any trading
in the issue.
Further information is available on the company's website:
News bulletins regarding the company have been available on Yahoo